Today me and my wife (Ira) are celebrating our first year marriage anniversary. What a year! God has been so gracious towards two of us in brining us together in this world. So I decided to share what I faced being a husband during my first year of marriage.
Before I continue writing my experience, I want to say that I am not a perfect husband (it's hard to know this unless you are my wife), but everyday I find my self in need of God's grace to be that husband. I rely not on my ability to reason and lead, but I rely on the scripture and it's ability to lead me where God want's me to be. In the humblest way, there are great man who love God and their wives, and I am honored to learn from them towards how to be a godly husband.
In my fist year being a husband, I found myself being challenged in three areas: I was a man who needed to understand my wife, know where to lead our family, and show genuine care towards her. I tell everyone that I am the luckiest man alive since I am married to the best woman in the world. People smile at the beginning (since they think I am joking), but once they meet my wife, they see that there is some truth in what I say. And truly, I am married to beautiful, wonderful, godly woman in the world. Proverb says it's a the gift and favor from the Lord:
"House and wealth are inherited from fathers, but a prudent wife is from the LORD" (Proverbs 19:14).
"He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD" (Proverbs 18:22).So here are three things that I my self found to be challenged by.
I saw that it was my obligation to understand my wife
Men gain themselves a reputation of being rude, ignorant, and those who can't understand woman. I do agree with this description, but this description describes generally humans. Woman can accuse man and man can accuse woman in lot's of areas. But a person who does not fear God, will act rude, ignorance, and selfish let me add to this list, it's the sinful nature that everyone inherited from the first Adam. But a man who is regenerated by the Holy spirit, has a heart that loves, cares and listens. It's not a matter of being a man, it's a matter of being saved.
I find it interesting that out of all things that scripture has to say to a husbands, it says this: "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Peter 3:7). I noticed that my main priority was to understand my wife. This has been an amazing life experience. To hear what she had to share about her day; what she read in the scripture; what happened in her class; how other woman speak to her; what she likes to do; where she wants to go; etc... For me to understand my wife was a pleasant journey from the beginning of our vows. And I hope this is just the tip of the iceberg in knowing who she really is.
I saw that it was my obligation to be a leader in our family
Second challenged that I faced in my first year of marriage was a leadership issue. With all respect to both of our parents and how they discipline Ira and me, I needed to see what would be best for the interest of our family (Ira and me), having scripture as a foundation. There are advices that I took, I found them to be rich and rewarding in life. And there were few advices that I had to think through. Both of us come from a christian family, both of our parents served in church. It would be much easier for me to do what both our parents did, but then I faced that question: what is the scriptures teaches on this issue? This was probably one of the challenging things that I did, I needed to understand the reason behind the decision we are making, more accurately, I needed to know that this is what God wants us to do.
This was a challenge for both of us for the first few months. My job was to be clear and patient when I describe why we are heading this direction and not that direction. And for her was a challenge to let go that final decision that she usually made in life and let me have the final word. I guess this is a typical thing that every new family faces. Through this experience her trust in me grew more and more. If the decision was a wise decision, she knew this person can be trusted. I just pray so I can have a heart that understands God and his word towards our life.
I saw that it was my obligation to show genuine care towards her
As Christians, we are called to care for each other. But there are different needs that people have. Children need parents to provide a place to sleep, clothes, moral education, etc... People that are in age find to be more in the mercy of others to receive help in things that they can't do anymore. Each group and each age have certain needs. My challenge at this moment is my wife. Speaking about woman, there are couple things that I needed to engrave in my head being a husband. Like:
- First, woman is not a man—that means she does not act like men.
- Second, woman do not have the same needs as man do—this means what men want does not mean women would want the same.
- Third, her needs are usually something that naturally man has hard time fulfilling, it's a learning process—it requires creativity, it require for a man to be open minded.
I know if Christ and his work was absent in my heart, I would pursue different things. Why lead if it is much easier if someone else makes the decisions and then follows up on that decision? Why care if it requires patience, energy, time? Why listen and put all the attention on my wife if I can watch a movie, play a game, go do something that I like? When I look at the cross, as the Son of God being murdered by people who he did no harm too, in fact, He was on the cross to bring forgiveness of sins to everyone who believes in him—even to the soldier who was pounding the nail in his arm and others who were dying laughing observing the scene. His death on the cross brings me forgives which I never deserved to be forgiven in the first place; I never asked God for his Son to come down and die, it was done because God loves. It was God at the beginning to draw me closer punishes his Son. Romans says, "...but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us" (5:8). Observing Christ death, understanding the cross, makes perfect sense why I should lead, understand, and care for my wife. Since I was accepted without any reason into God's kingdom, how can I not reflect the cross in my everyday life being a husband?
(I am open for correction and suggestions. This is my first year out of how many years God gives us to be together. Your ideas, corrections, and suggestion will be graciously accepted. I hope you enjoyed reading this because I enjoyed living this.)
Comments