Here are four things to keep in mind when encouraging your spouse in the grace of God:

1. Your spouse is inclined to drift from grace to self-effort.

Preach the gospel to your spouse.
Encourage meditation upon the riches of the gospel.
Encourage resting in God even as the battle rages.

2. Your spouse may tend to become discouraged.

Remind your spouse that God works beneath the surface well before change becomes visible.
Celebrate what you can see, even if it is not directly related to the area of desired change.
Review the game plan for change.

3. Your spouse can lose sight of the ultimate goal.

4. Your spouse must be pointed not to grace, but to the one from whom all grace flows.

Great example of God’s grace in our life:
"When my daughter was about four years old, she decided she was ready to ride her bike without training wheels. My wife and I celebrated that big moment and took her to a big, empty parking lot. We pulled the bike out of the van, took off the training wheels, and placed my daughter on the seat. She was giggling with delight. “I’m ready,” she exclaimed. I gave her a little launch and began to instruct, “You’ve got to peddle, go ahead!” but all the while I kept my hands on the back of the seat. We started going until I was running to keep up. The whole time she’s yelling, “Look at me! Look at me! I’m riding my bike!” never really getting it that Dad was holding her up. That’s you and that’s me. We roll along thinking we’re the reason our marriage is making progress. We can live completely oblivious to the Father behind us, one divine hand on the seat and another on the handlebars. Marriage provides us the opportunity to remind one another of the real power behind our progress and direction. Does your spouse ever become captivated with his or her own peddling? That’s why God gave us each other.”

Taking from a book: "When sinners say 'I Do'"
Harvey, Dave (2010-12-01). When Sinners Say "I Do" (Kindle Locations 2066-2128). Shepherd Press. Kindle Edition.

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